-20-

’cause what may seem right
And what may be wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I’m finding out that
it’s not enough
There’s nothing left
between you and I
I’m finding faith but losing us

Where worlds collide

Together we seemed perfect
A fairy tale for show
And looking on the outside
You’d never even know

That we’re just not right
When compromises is wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

We’re just not right

When compromise is wrong
Seems out of sight

In this place we belong
Giving everything..

“When I found life I search for the meaning of living…

I first learned about faith.. But I don’t know anything about love..

When I felt love… I forgot the meaning of faith…

and now… I feel I’m losing LOVE..

 I think I’m getting closer again towards FAITH…”

So How do you balance life?…

How colors can change and even the texture of the rain
And what’s that ugly little stain on the bathroom floor
I’d rather not deal with that right now
I’d rather be floating in space somewhere or
Worry about the ozone layer

And it’s almost like a corny movie scene
But I’m out of frame and the lighting’s bad
And the music has no theme
And we’re all so strong when nothing’s wrong
And the world is at our feet
But how small we are when our love is far away
And all I need is you…….

Lately, I’m beginning to feel useless.. actually because I’ve heard exactly the term “walang pakinabang” from a person I least thought I would hear such..

Way back in college I used to stop for 1 year because of severe financial problem (naks! Severe.. what a term!?!).. and I could say that, that was the darkest part of my life.. Wherein drinking alcohol until morning seems to be the normal life for me.. waking up in the afternoon and drinking again is my routine.. (“full time tambay”) those were the days that I don’t want to remember again and I would not allow myself to be drip into again. But fate seems to be teasing. I am now in this phase again of my life.. so sad that I sometimes think I can’t handle it anymore.. but for some friends who keeps on believing.. I try hard to pact with it.

I’ve been looking for job for weeks and I was not so lucky unlike my first resignation. I even took a part time job in Makati.. not giving justice to the school I graduated (I can still hear one of my teachers voice in HS saying “ kung makikita ko rin lang kayong nag ma- mop ng floor sa mga malls better not to finish college at all”) though I’m not yet at that point na nag ma mop ng floor .. nanlilit pa din ako sa idea na a person like me could not get a better job.. I keep on asking myself this question.. I did great in college I work study and work all the time just to graduate but it seems that I lack a lot of luck.. I no longer know what to do just to find a good and suitable job for me.. Where there’s no discrimination (racial and gender).

Anyways, this is me thinking out loud…

*DATED: SEPTEMBER 2, 2006

why should I grieve because of a thorn? Once it has made laughter known to me. Whatever you lost to a stroke of destiny, know it was to save you from adversity. One small affliction keeps off greater afflictions; One small loss prevents greater losses".

Guess what peeps?! i had a great weekend…. ang saya!! met my college friends nung sunday and then my rondalla friends naman nung monday… i was very delighted with the idea na sa wakas magkikita-kita ulit kme ng mga rondalla friends ko after sometime (matagal tagal na din kme nde nagkikita coz we’re all now busy with our work) c PEACH who happened to be a teacher at Lourdes School of Mandaluyong, KHAYE who is now a Flight Attendant, SOC who is now a staff at intel, JP who is now a vocalist of a band, and MEL and ERWIN… I’m very happy with the thought that i can spend a night with these people whom i grew up with and spent almost half of my childhood days.. we have a common denominator which is… we all love music and it has been a part of our system.. we went to baclaran churh to celebrate ang ika-100 taong ng shrine na pinagsilbihan ko for almost 5 years at patuloy pa din namang pinagsisilbihan ng grupong kinabilangan ko noon which is the St. Cecilia Rondalia Choir… Actually the program was great.. we we’re able to play good music.. the night would have been a perfect one if not with the people na walang magawa kundi manira ng gabi… and sorry.. I transformed again into a monster the moment I wasted my time talking to them… (sana nde na lang ako nag-aksaya ng konting panahon ko sa kanila.. sayang lang.. Hmmmp!! kainis talaga ang mga taong walang magawa.. buti na lang i have my friends beside me… reminding me not to mind people like them..) Thanks..

*Written May 02, 2006

"i don’t wanna feel this way… sometimes, some things just don’t really work…. no matter how hard you try.. and i don’t know why? It pains me so much… (magulo ba? magulo kasi isip ko eh)"

Been thinking.. what will i post? maybe next time mas may sense ma post ko.. hehehe.. basahin mo sa susunod baka may matino kang mabasa..